I’ve been thinking a lot about who I was, and what I was like as a child. I really cannot say why this is, because I don’t know. I think it’s something of a seasonal thing. Or perhaps it’s some random memory trigger, which is another good reason as I have ADD and it does not take much for me to drift. But whatever the reason I’ve found myself thinking a lot about me as a kid and felt like sharing some of that with you randoms. My childhood wasn’t necessarily what I would call abnormal, but it was most certainly unconventional. I lived with my mother and grandfather from the time I was around a year old, and as such called them mom and dad. My mother was still in the picture but had awarded custody to them, making them my legal guardians. I’m not quite sure how old I was when I discovered this, but I do have a vague memory of the conversation that took place explaining it to me. My mother was 25 years old when she had me, and just had not grown up yet. She had priorities in her life at the time, that did not include raising children. But, as I said she has always been around and I never felt unloved or anything, and she’s been there for me all along the way. I was never really upset that she gave me up or anything because I still saw her and my grandparents were awesome. My grandmother in particular was a very strong influence when I was growing up. She was pretty strict but still took the time to spoil me and make sure I never wanted for anything. This amazes me now, considering they were both getting on in years, and not in the best of health and did all of this on government assistance. We lived in a housing project and survived on welfare, social security benefits, and food stamps mostly. As i grew a bit older and entered school I noticed early on that I was different than a lot of the other kids. I didn’t look like the white kids obviously, but I also didn’t talk and act like the black kids. This had a lot to do with the fact that my Grandmother was a white lady and My grandfather was Cherokee; but another bug reason for this was the fact that my Grandmother was a Latter Day Saint (LDS) or Mormon. Now I will say that having been raised in that religion, and coming from a family that can trace it’s roots fiver generations back in it I can say that it is a very conservative and unconventional religion in a lot of ways, but it is not nearly as strange as it’s reputation makes it out to be, at least compared to other religions. But coming from that upbringing and my grandmothers strict supervision, I was not awarded as much freedom as the other children and got teased because of it. Not to a severe degree or anything that traumatized me, but it did make me a bit awkward and aloof which did not help my cause much. Nevertheless i did have friends and lived a relatively normal childhood. My grandfather died when I was about 11 or 12 years old of natural causes and my Mother came and lived with us. And then it was the three of us for many years after that. When I was about 14 my mother was able to get into contact with my father, who had a wife and another child. We had a sporadic relationship from there until I reached adulthood when it got a little more frequent.
I’ve been neglecting my blogs so much the last several months I forget that I have a blog. I;m going to try and make an effort to blog more often if only to get things on my mind out into the atmosphere somehow. Such as, for the last 5 or 6 months I have put a tremendous effort into getting back into the shape I was in when i was in my early twenties. It’s been a long road but I’ve lost around 55 lbs so far and have begun to see my overall muscle mass begin to show once more. I don’t mind the work as long as I get results from it. Besides that exercising has always been a proven way for me to clear my head and center myself. Can’t wait to see what my progress is this time next year
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